Get To Know The Terms and Toys In This Sex Subculture
There’s Something For Everyone
Sunset Intimates sells sex toys that give you all kinds of pleasure. We have three lines of toys for the beginner, the experienced and the masters. That means that all day, every day we are surrounded with sex toys and more. Still, when we hear BDSM, we react like most people do. A slight chill goes down our spine. Who would want to have sex that hurts? If you’re thinking that as well, we are in the same boat. But we both have something you must need: an open mind. Intensity during a session is healthy and exciting. BDSM attitudes and practices operate under a consensual agreement and there are safeguards in place to keep everyone healthy and happy. Maybe that chill going down our spines is really a spine-tingling signal that we might like it. There’s only one way to find out, but before you do, read on.
So you might like it, but where to start? Education makes everything more understandable. The glossary of BDSM terms and toys here will start you on the path to filling up your open mind. From there, we can help you figure it out. Our staff in-store is well-trained to ask discreet questions to make sure you get the toys that do what you need them to. Let’s dive in.
Basic Information: BDSM stands for bondage/discipline (BD), dominance/ submission (DS), and sadism/masochism (SM).
- Bondage/discipline. Bondage refers to someone being physically restrained. Discipline refers to a set of rules and punishment, usually enforced by the dominant partner onto the submissive.
- Submission/dominance. Sub/dom play is when one person, the sub (or bottom) permits the dom (or top) to essentially be in charge. This may be an agreement you make for one night of play or it may be a 24/7 arrangement.
- Sadism/masochism. Sadism is the enjoyment of doling out pain. Masochism is the enjoyment of receiving pain. If you like both? Well, that’s what we call a sadomasochist.
Personally, the sadism/masochism part of the description is probably what is a deal-killer for me. Maybe not for you? Practicing BDSM is about a lot more than the act of having sex. In fact, “a scene” may not involve sex or, even touching, at all. You’ll find that many of the common themes — power dynamics, pain, humiliation, the taboo — are psychological in nature.
Next, if you’re thinking that sounds intense, don’t worry! It’s completely up to you how deep you want to get and how far you want to go with something. In BDSM, enthusiastic consent is paramount: you and only you decide how you want things to go.
Basic BDSM Terms Defined
This is a very basic description of what the BDSM subcategories mean. And remember, every aspect of these types of play is consensual and talked about beforehand or should be. It takes two to tango. The Dom can’t play alone. Neither can the sub. Together, there can be mutual sexual fulfillment and both parties understand that they can’t go it alone.
Aftercare - a post-scene ritual intended to help the dominant and submissive wind down and check in
Breath control play - restriction of oxygen to increase pleasure (i.e. choking, asphyxiation)
Chastity - denial of a partner to have sex and/or masturbate — sometimes devices are used to ensure chastity (cock cages or chastity belts)
Collared/collaring - worn to indicate someone’s status as a submissive (collaring can indicate belonging to a dominant, and to some is seen as the ultimate level of commitment)
Cuckold - a man/masc person who enjoys watching their femme partner have sex with someone in front of them
Dom/domme/dominant - the partner who leads the power dynamic in a dominant/submissive scene
Edging - bringing a partner to the brink of orgasm, but not letting them orgasmFetish intense sexualization of an act, object or scenario
Golden showers - the act of a partner urinating on another
Hard limits - limits that never will be negotiable
Leather - a BDSM culture dictated by leather-wearing practices
Pegging - refers to a woman/femme identifying person having anal sex with a man/masc identifying person, typically with a strap-on
Risk aware consensual kink - an alternative to SSC (below), as the term is disliked in the community for it’s ableist language (RACK also argues that kink isn’t ever safe, but that those that participate acknowledge the risks)
Safe, sane, consensual (SSC) - a BDSM philosophy dictating the pillars of BDSM play
Safeword - a word or physical cue meant to end play
Subspace - a mental space submissives can go through in the middle of a scene; it’s often considered “dreamy” or “floaty” like a high
Switch - a partner who can be dominant or submissive
Topping from the bottom - a bottom/submissive telling their top/dominant what to do to them
Vanilla - non-kink/BDSM activity
Thanks to our source for these definitions.
What Toys Are Part of the BDSM Sex Scene?
Now that you know some of the basic terms, and there isn’t too many missing from here, you’re ready to see the tools of the trade. Sunset offers two lines of products for the BDSM crowd. 53X is for the experienced user. Bedroom Essentials is for beginners or the curious. Bedroom Intimates line of sex toys are for those in the middle. This list below will help you become familiar with the tricks and toys you'll want to stock up on to create your own lair of love.
CROPS, PADDLES, WHIPS, and CHAINS